So you want to be a beauty anarchist...

I don't believe our female ancestors had no beauty or health issues, but the environment today is far harsher on women. We live in polluted cities, we consume more processed foods when pressed for time, and we have higher stress levels because the co-worker blasts 90's hits from her computer to the entire office and nobody has the balls to stand up to her. Women have always been pressured to conform to certain beauty ideals, but the digital age and our increased spending power mean we are constantly bombarded with superfluous information. The same material and worn out cliches are repeated in magazines from month to month, year to year, only parcelled in a such a breathless manner to make us think that old is new and new must be bought immediately before it becomes old. Greek is the new ethnic is the new mod is the new navy is the new black. One year it's Botox, the next it's camel fat, but because it will give us skin of a newborn baby, it will cost a year's salary and a kidney.

Eventually, some of us revolt.

"[BLEEP] this shit!" they shout. "No more marketing doublespeak and false promises! I'm taking myself off the grid to a place where nobody will find me! I will bathe in fresh goat's milk every day and cleanse my face with extra virgin olive oil! I will use aspirin masks for breakouts and coconut oil as hair conditioner!"

"But," they say somewhat sheepishly, after the applause has died down, "what are we going to do about makeup? We do look better with a hint of blush on the apples of our cheeks and reddened lips."

I would fire up my laptop, launch Firefox and direct them to this article, and in particular this recipe for a lip stain:

Beetroot and glycerine cheek and lip tint

45g raw beetroot, grated

3 tablespoons vegetable glycerine

Put the beetroot and glycerine a heat-proof ceramic bowl over a pan of boiling water for 15 minutes. Cool, then strain into a sealable container. Shake before use, then apply a dab to your cheeks and lips.

I'd probably have to warn them against drinking the lavender deodorant though.